So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
