I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
