Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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