Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
