you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
