Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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