you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
