just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
