i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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