My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
