I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
