Where did you get a picture of my penis
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
