in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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