why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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