1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
thus making me awesome and them whores
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
