i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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