DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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