i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
