I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
