That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
