You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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