She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
