this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
