Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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