I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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