Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
