eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
