Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
