She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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