i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
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