They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
