allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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