I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
that's an acceptable place to lick
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
