How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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