I can tuck mytits in my pants
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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