My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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