Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
