I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
