JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
