Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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