i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
