What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
