do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
