My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I faked an abortion last night.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
