i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
