Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize