we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
