Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
