I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
