I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Pooping to opera.
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