I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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